By definition necessity is the state of fact of being required.
What do you require in life? What is it that you need and can’t go without?
As human beings we all need food and water, a roof over our heads and clothes on our backs to keep us warm. As well as these physical bare necessities we also need security, healthcare and education if not only access to it. Following closely behind, if not just as important as the things I have listed comes love, connections/relationships and last but not least growth (spiritual, intellectual, lets say growth in all forms.)
Not too long ago I read a very interesting piece of writing which was based around a person who wanted to find the answer to a somewhat popular question (some think it’s a simple question) but it is probably the most complex question ever asked… ‘Who am I?’. If you could sum yourself up into a paragraph could you do it? Furthermore, would you want to? Why?
As we go through life we grow through our experiences, connections and relationships we have with people and we develop likes and dislikes. We as humans are ever changing so how can we ever really know who we are. Of course we know our background, culture, religions and morals and values these provide the foundation of ourselves but I truly believe that we (should) never stop learning and developing our personality. I am definitely not the same person I was when I was 17, how could I be. I have seen, heard, done and experienced so much since then.
Becoming a mother has taught me so much about myself and about my basic needs, what I truly need to get through each day. I know that I need the general things as I have listed above but I am acutely aware that sometimes I need to take time for myself to be alone and to just well… be.
Anyone who is a parent knows how overwhelming raising children can be. It is a physical, emotional, intellectual and social whirlwind that quite frankly can be all too much at times. And do you know what, that is ok, there is no shame in admitting this. Now, if we as parents feel this way maybe our children do too. I know that my son gets fed up of me nagging him and that my daughter and I can clash and have our moments which is why it is so important for us to have a break from each other. Can any relationship be healthy if you are always together? Why would it be different for parent and child?
I love my children unconditionally and I truly want to be the best mother I can be to them so for me it is necessary that I have time away from them and them from me. Ask any parent who is able to have time away from their children (I’m not talking all the time, maybe a little weekend or a day here and there) they will tell you that they probably feel fresher, relaxed and ready to get back at it, they probably also miss the bones of their little ones.
As far as I am concerned, this is completely healthy, some may say selfish but I know myself, to some extent at this point in my life, and I am not going to let other peoples opinions of what I should or should not be as a mother interfere with quite frankly what is my mental health. So, as I continue along this road of parenthood and discovery of who I am, my list of bare necessities has evolved into what I like to describe as a cupcake. Love, warmth, culture and morals is the sponge, the foundation of it all. The icing consists of play/fun, meaningful connections, security, growth (in all forms) and learning. The cherry on top, the chocolate garnish, the pièce de résistance is self care- without it something will always be missing.
Self care makes life so much sweeter.